Remember
by rokothepas
Summary: It’s hard to forget when your life hangs in balance. AU, 20 years after the events of the Resurrection of the Daleks. 5th Doctor
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I have written this story as a literary exercise and because I'm stuck with my other one. I've rediscovered my fondness for the classic Doctor Who series so I wanted to give it a try and actually write something. I hope I succeeded in making it at least plausable.

Even though I still haven't seen the _Resurrection of the Daleks_, I have a general idea what happened. Also I'm familiar with Tegan's condition in this fic but I left its explanation deliberately vague.

Anyway if you find any kind of mistake please tell me so I can correct it.

And since I'm still a learner when it comes to writing in this fandom, constructive criticism would be much appreciated. Thank you for reading.

Characters: The Doctor (5th), Tegan Jovanka, The Doctor (8th), OC

Spoilers: AU, 20 years after the events of the Resurrection of Daleks.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to the Doctor Who series. All rights reserved. No copyright infringement intended.

Summary: It's hard to forget when your life hangs in balance.

----

"Remember that happiness is a way of travel -- not a destination" -Anonymous

---- Chapter 1 ----

"Is she…" The girl's voice asked wearily from behind him. The man wearing a white coat sighed and masked his face. Sometimes it was hard to remain emotionally detached in situations like these but that was the requirement of his job and had to be done.

He turned around from looking at the patient's chart and with a mask firmly in place, replayed, "She is…out of the woods," he stated solemnly and added very quickly, "For now."

"But what about—"The girl started but was answered quickly before finishing her question.

"It appears to be in remission but for how long it is unknown. Though I have to warn you, Miss Kendall, the regression might hit her very soon."

She sighed and sniffled but raised her eyes to the doctor's determinately. Something told him that the girl got that trait from her mother.

"But it _is _possible," she sighed and glanced at the sleeping, pale form of her mother and continued, "She might…survive this?"

The doctor looked at his hands and then back up at the young woman and answered with some hesitation. "It is…possible but the odds are very low. I'm sorry."

He hung his head and placed the chart back on the bed.

"I'll have the nurse check on her in an hour." The doctor couldn't refrain from patting the girl's shoulder in comfort.

He nodded at her word of thanks and left for his rounds.

She sat back down in the uncomfortable hospital chair and grasped her mother's hand like it was a life line. A few stray tears had escaped from her tired eyes to fall on the white sheet and quickly disappear in the soft material. She sniffled and slowly lowered her head to meet her mother's on the pillow.

---

The first thing she felt when she woke up was light-headedness and nausea. She breathed in deeply to regulate her breathing and blinked as her eyes adjusted to the lights in the sterile white room.

For some time she had a hard time remembering where she was but when she heard the soft breathing on her left she did and sighed.

The curly brown hair of her daughter was tickling her face but she didn't mind. It was something to make her forget her fate if only for just a while. She was always close with her only daughter, ever since she was born those 19 years ago and that connection never broke, not even when her husband left her. Not even then.

Leaving her would be a very hard thing to do. Ever since she was diagnosed, she was determined to fight this…illness but these past few days it has become an almost impossible thing to do.

She was weak and pretty much exhausted. The treatment she was subjected to and the medication she was given didn't help. And she could feel her doctor losing hope in her ever getting better.

She said once that she was indestructible and at the time she really believed that but now…

…Now she knew…she understood.

Life was one big bloody irony…she thought.

Twenty or so years ago nothing would have surprised her. She had befriended aliens, visited new worlds, planets…was possessed at least two times by an alien entity and fought against most horrible evils not known to any other human before her. But in the end she had survived…all of that. Not even a scratch on her.

And now the irony dictates that she was to die…but not from the hands of an evil alien entity but from something equally sinister.

Bloody cancer.

---

She wasn't quite sure what made her wake up the next time but as she opened her eyes she was met with a pair of steely blue ones staring gently at her.

She blinked to clear her blurry vision and then opened them again as the equally gentle voice sounded in the quietness of the depressing room atmosphere.

"Tegan,"

It was just _one_ word. Just her name. But it was voiced with so much determination and such familiarity that she gasped in surprise.

"Doc…" her voice sounded hoarse and weak. These days' speaking was almost painful.

"You…are here." She stated.

"I am." He answered simply, as he removed his hat and placed it in his pocket.

"Why?"

It felt so uncharacteristic and yet so right to feel his hand slip into hers.

"Tegan…" He started but trailed off.

"Yes that _is _my name," The trace of sarcasm in her voice, so familiar to her persona, almost made him lose his bearings. And yet when they were travelling together, all those years ago, there were a few times when she would succeed and make him forget his alien background. Forget that he was Gallifreyan, a Time Lord.

This simple human.

This stubborn woman, whom he knew as a companion once and now possibly a very close friend…he always knew that she was to be his undoing.

"How do you…feel?" He finally asked.

Fighting the urge to roll her eyes and comment on the stupidity of the question, she sighed.

"I have seen better days." She retorted.

"Yes," He said and looked down at their joined hands as if suddenly shy. "That…you have."

"So," She gave him that unique 'Tegan look' and asked, "Why are you here?"

She suddenly felt very old in front of him. A funny idea considering his age.

He looked up at her and said, "Like that human saying goes _'I was in the neighbourhood'_…"

She removed her hand from his and placed it stubbornly in her lap.

"Cripes, Doc, truth would be more appropriate right now. Don't you think?"

"She seems taken with you," He said quietly.

It took her a couple of seconds to realize who he was talking about and that it was his way of changing the subject.

She looked down at the sleeping form next to her. "She's my daughter,"

"Yes, you are very alike." He crossed his arms on his knees, as he stared at her daughter.

She was growing impatient and it reminded her of so many other times, when she wasn't this restrained.

"Why are you really here, Doc? Have you come here to tell me how lucky I am?"

"I have seen the future—"

She interrupted with, "Typical, Doctor. Always playing the good medium—"

"Tegan," He admonished her with a look.

"Alright," She raised her hands in surrender, "For old times' sake…Pray continue. What does the crystal ball say?"

He sighed softly and for some reason appeared very uncomfortable to her.

"I have come to help you as you…helped me."

"Well," She frowned in confusion and continued, "that is very nice of you, Doc but I don't see how—"

The cold hand pressed against her temple stopped her from further questioning.

----

"Has there been any kind of change?" The girl asked the doctor who was just about to enter her mother's room.

The doctor sighed and was about answer when they heard a voice coming from inside.

"_Doc…"_

"Mum?" The young woman hurried worriedly inside, followed closely by the doctor.

"_You…are here."_

----

tbc


	2. Chapter 2

----

Chapter 2

----

Tegan opened her eyes for the second time and blinked.

There was light.

So much light.

Too much.

"Would someone _please_ turn of those _bloody_ lights!" She almost screamed in frustration.

"Tegan." There it was—his voice again.

"Doctor? Why did you turn on the lights?"

She couldn't see him but only hear him very close to her.

"I did not." He said gently.

"Alright then tell whoever it was, to turn the bloody things off. My eyes are killing me!"

Something unrecognizable was said and the lights went down completely.

"Thank you," she retorted grateful and slowly opened her eyes.

If before was too bright—now it was too dark.

"Doctor? Are you there?" She asked, somewhat sheepishly.

"I am, Tegan." He retorted and she felt his hand squeeze hers.

"Could you do something about this dark, Doc?"

The Time Lord beside her sighed and said almost inaudible. "Never satisfied, are you? Hmm?"

And then she felt him move and with a snap of his fingers the lights were on again but not as bright as before.

She felt his hand squeeze hers again and looked to her right.

And there he was—her Doctor. The tall, blonde-haired Time Lord, who never looked his real age.

Her friend.

More than twenty years have passed and he still looked the same.

The same cricketer uniform…

The same blue eyes…

The same smile.

When he smiled at her, it eased off some of her fears. Like it always did. Like it did now.

"Hello, Tegan," he said, as if they've met for the first time.

"Hello, Doctor," she smiled back and continued, "Thanks."

"You are welcome."

"So where are we, Doc?"

'_Why does this look familiar?'_ she thought.

"Because it is." The voice beside her answered her thought and she looked at him in confusion.

"How did you—"

He smiled again and interrupted with, "Look more closely, Tegan."

She did and what she saw stunned her almost beyond words and knowing Tegan that was almost an accomplishment in itself.

They were in a white room with…with some kind of circular objects adorning the walls.

'_Roundels?' _she thought.

"Yes, Tegan." The Time Lord retorted.

And there it was…the um…

'_The time rotor?'_

"Correct again."

Her eyes grew wide as the realization struck her.

"This is the console room. We are in the…Oh Lord! The TARDIS?"

"Indeed but not quite." he simply said.

"What do you mean, 'not quite'?" she turned to him again and said angrily, "You kidnapped me?"

She removed her hand from his and he sighed.

He sounded almost sad.

"Perhaps I should explain," he started.

"Perhaps you should, _Doctor_."

She placed her hands on her hips and looked at him waiting.

He has missed this.

Her fiery temper.

Their banter.

Innocent arguments.

He has missed _her_.

"Well? Why am I here?" she asked.

He sighed and stuck his hands in his pockets. Tegan knew he did that when he was exited or anxious. He thought that she didn't know how he felt but sometimes with his mannerisms, he could be so transparent.

"This _is_ the TARDIS but it is how _you_ remember it."

She frowned again. Nothing of this made much sense to her.

"So what you're trying to tell me is that you did a bit of redecorating after I left?"

"Quite,"

"Well it doesn't surprise me. The TARDIS always did have a weird habit of arranging rooms on a whim. And _you_ were always tinkering about. After twenty years or so, it was bound to happen.

"It hasn't exactly been twenty years for me, Tegan." He pointed out.

She sighed. "Ah yes, how could I forget. You are a Time Lord and the time does not exist inside the TARDIS. Is that right?"

"Almost," he said and she noted a hint of—was that regret in his voice?

"You forgot…about me?" She failed not to sound disappointed.

"I…" he started and then with a sigh he said, "I am sorry, Tegan."

"A bloody Time Lord who has no real sense of time." She said bitterly and then regretted it. "Well it's not as if I didn't expect that. After waiting for a whole year—hoping you'd come back for me…" She trailed off.

At his surprised look she continued, "Yes, there was a time, long ago, when I regretted my decision to leave you."

"But I thought—"

She placed her warm hand on his shoulder and squeezed it in reassurance. He didn't move away.

"Yes, I know. You thought I blamed you for everything. For what happened to all those people…to Adric…"

He closed his eyes, as the memory of Adric's death hit him all over again.

She once thought that he was unfeeling, a cold Time Lord. How wrong she really was. She was wrong about a lot of things and she could finally admit that.

"I am sorry." He said.

"So am I, Doc, for blaming you, when it wasn't really your fault."

"But—"

"No it wasn't, I realise that now. I was young back then, stubborn and would not listen to reason. I was also very much naïve. But the older the wiser, right?"

She smiled reassuringly at him and soon she could feel his posture relax. It was as if the burden of the whole world was eased off of his shoulders. And perhaps the guilt was that burden and it was all her fault.

"But I also wanted to thank you for leaving me."

Now he was confused. "Why?"

"Because if you hadn't I wouldn't have met my husband and I wouldn't have my beautiful daughter."

He smiled that boyish smile again. "Then…you are welcome. I had hoped it being a right decision. I am glad I was right."

"You like to be right. You always had to be." She said with some amusement.

"Tegan—"

"I know you can't help it. You are a Time Lord, after all."

"Oh, Tegan," he admonished good-naturedly.

"Now tell me, why am I here in this 'not quite' a TARDIS? And none of that 'I'll explain later' will suffice here. Tell me." She demanded.

He hung his head and stared at his white trainers.

"It is not quite a TARDIS, as I put it, because all of this—the console room, the time rotor…all those long corridors…it's not really here."

He looked up at her. His eyes appeared darker all of a sudden.

"_I_ am not really here, Tegan."

"What do you mean? Is this some kind of a holographic projection? Are you a hologram?"

"So, you _have_ been paying attention."

"Most of the time. But I think this is more of remembering a few phrases from the Star Trek and the like."

"Fascinating, you humans always have good explanations for everything."

"Now quit ribbing my species, you Time Lords are not _that_ good."

"Yes. You are right to some extent," At her warning look he continued, "We—the TARDIS and I are simply a projection from your memory."

"My memory? But why—how?"

"I said I have seen the future," he retorted, ignoring her previous question, "_Your_ future, Tegan."

She snorted, "I get it. So is this heaven, is that it? Or am I in hell?"

He shook his head. "No it is neither. Those realms do not exist. Not really."

"Don't exist?"

"Yes. I believe some of your people have explained it as 'Heaven is a state of the mind and hell is other people'."

"Oh I am so glad you are familiar with our catch-phrases." She said sarcastically and added, "But it still doesn't explain my presence here."

"You are here because you want to be. Because _this_ is where you feel comfortable. This is one of your happier memories and I believe someone once said that a person lost to the world often finds comfort in its memories."

"You're still confusing me. If I'm not dead then _why_ am I here? Am I in a coma, is that it?"

"Not exactly."

"Cripes, Doc, why did our conversations always seem like I'm trying to pull out your teeth. You can be so infuriating sometimes."

"So can you, Tegan."

"Alright just tell me this—am _I_ really here? Where am I _really_?"

"You are here." He said simply.

"Where? I know I'm not in the TARDIS, you said so."

"You are in the hospital." He finally answered.

"That makes more sense. And you have come—what is that you said—'_to help me as I've helped you'_? Is that it?"

Then before he could answer the realization struck her. "You are in my mind aren't you? That's how you can hear what I think. This is all in my head."

"Correct."

"So this is all your doing?"

"The memory is yours. Everything else is my doing, as you put it."

"What else?"

"As I've said you're not in a coma per-say, you are simply meditating."

"You hypnotised me?"

"I have simply placed you in a meditative state so you can properly heal."

She sighed. "This is how you're helping me? I'm not going to die?"

"Time will tell, pun intended and you _do_ have a bright future ahead of you."

He smiled that exited smile again and she couldn't help but mirror it.

"But isn't this meddling, changing the future? Not that you ever cared about that—"

"Not if you know the future. I am simply 'steering you in the right direction or moving things along' as you humans would say."

She nodded, finally understanding if only partially.

"So Doc, is this it? Am I going to _really_ see _you_?"

"No." He said sadly.

"But why? You are going to leave me again, aren't you? Without saying goodbye. You'll escape in your TARDIS and forget about me again. Not that I didn't deserve that—"

His hand took hers again. "I am sorry, I have misled you. I have _never_ forgotten about you, Tegan and I _never _will."

"Then _why_? Please explain—"

"I can not. This is not the time. You have to leave." He released her hand and moved toward the 'not quite time rotator'. He pulled the lever on the other side and the TARDIS entrance opened.

He motioned with his hand towards it.

She walked towards him and took his elbow with more force than she intended.

"Please let me stay for a while, Doc. Please." She pleaded but he moved away from her.

"No I can't do that. You do not belong here anymore." He said and then he added cryptically, "Neither do I."

She frowned in confusion. "I am grateful for what you did, I really am, Doc but—"

"No, you must leave. Your daughter is waiting for you."

"Alright." She sighed sadly, knowing that he was right. "Goodbye then, Doctor."

He smiled again. She noticed that in her mind, he smiled more. Well that explains it. She always did like his smiles, among other things.

"Goodbye, Tegan." He said and then she moved quickly. Before he realized what was about to happen he was embraced by her in an awkward but very warm hug. She couldn't keep a lone tear from escaping her eye. He hugged her more forcefully and then the awkwardness dissipated.

"I have…wanted to do that…the last time," She mumbled in his jacket.

"Brave heart, Tegan." He said, as he patted her back with affection.

"Brave heart, Doctor."

Unfortunately the moment didn't last long and he soon released her from the embrace.

She wiped her eyes clumsily with her sleeve. Just now did she notice that she was wearing one of her old blouses with bright colours and a black skirt?

'_Lord, I had a horrible sense of fashion, back then. I hope this just came with the memory package.' _She thought.

And then she heard something she never thought would _ever_ hear.

He laughed. The Time Lord—the Doctor laughed.

She was stunned.

"You were certainly obsessed with you appearance, Tegan. I remember that much."

"Huh, like you're any better Mr Cricket-Obsessive disorder. And don't forget I saw your previous selves." She pointed out smugly.

"Yes, quite. Well I must dash!" He said to her and quickly moved towards the console again where he pressed a few buttons.

"Always running, Doc. Just when it gets interesting. I will leave but I hope this is not really goodbye." She said as she finally moved through the TARDIS door.

When the door closed behind her, he said softly, "Me too, Tegan. Me too."

---

tbc


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you again to all the readers for the shown support.

----

Chapter 3

----

"Mum?" A gentle voice called out to her.

"Mrs Kendall?" Another, deeper one called.

"Hmm…what?" Tegan asked drowsily and blinked.

It took a couple of moments before her eyes finally adjusted.

"Mrs Kendall, welcome back to the land of the living." The oncologist said cheerfully.

"What…happened?"

"Oh mum, I'm so happy you're okay." The girl hugged her excitedly with more strength than necessary but as always, she didn't mind. Nor did she mind the kiss on her cheek.

"First things first, how do you feel?" He asked.

She thought about it. "I feel…fine, as much as can be expected under the circumstances, I suppose…" She trailed off.

"And?" The oncologist prodded again.

"And I feel…strangely relaxed." She yawned. "Excuse me."

"That's quite alright, Mrs Kendall,"

"_Tegan_, please. I feel old when you call me that."

"Tegan," he said as if trying it out and then added, "It is understandable to feel relaxed since you have slept for two weeks."

"Two weeks! I was in a coma?"

"It appeared as though you were but—"

Her daughter cut in with, "But you kept mumbling something in your sleep. It sounded silly. You were calling for the doctor and mentioned something called a…um a TARDIS and holograms and—well it was just too much. The doctor said you were delirious but at least we knew you are still alive."

"And how long how you been here, dear?" She asked, as she ran her hand gently through her curls.

"As long as it took, mum."

"She has visited every day and you have had another visitor too. A man was here, asking about you—" The oncologist retorted

"Oh that's probably David—"

"No mum, it's not dad. I'm sorry. "The girl said sadly. "He called a couple of days ago to ask how you were and to say that he wasn't in the country, so he couldn't visit."

"But he did ask me if I wanted to live with him." She added bitterly.

"Ah David, old habits die hard," Tegan sighed.

"So how did this _man_ look like? Did he introduce himself?" She asked.

"He looked very good actually," her daughter supplied at which Tegan narrowed her eyes at her.

"Well mum, I have eyes, you know and I'm not a little girl anymore."

"Yes," She smiled, "I can see that. But what did he look like—his clothes, appearance?"

'_Could it be him?'_ she thought.

"Well that's the strangest thing. He sort of reminded me of a character from one of those sisters' Bronte' novels you read to me when I was little."

She frowned. "Really? In what way?"

"Well he had long brownish hair and sort of one of those old costumes from the 19th century, I think—an old white shirt, a blazer, cravat and a green frock. But I forgot about all of that when he said he was the doctor."

"Doctor?"

"Yes," The oncologist interrupted, "The gentleman introduced himself as Dr John Foreman. He claimed to be a cancer specialist from London and when I asked for some identification he said he was your friend and that he came to return the favour. So he stayed here and did some tests."

"He cured you, mum." He daughter supplied.

"She is right; the cancer is in full remission. I have to say I have no idea how he did it but you are going to be just fine."

'_He died! The regeneration changed him!'_ Tegan suddenly realized.

"Oh, Doctor!"

"What is it Mrs—Tegan?" The oncologist asked worriedly.

But instead of answering she asked, "Is he still here?"

"Who?"

"That man—The Doctor?"

"Ah your friend? No I'm afraid not. He said he's glad that he helped you but he had a family emergency and had to leave."

"Typical, Doc," She said fondly.

"I take it he _is_ your friend, then?" The oncologist asked.

"Yes, he's an old friend." Tegan replied.

"I'm sad that I didn't get to know him better. I wanted to thank him for saving you, mum."

"Did he leave a message for me?" She asked hopeful.

"No," the girl said, "But there was something odd about him. Like when I said my name was Nyssa, he hugged me and said 'Well of course you are!'"

Tegan laughed. "Yes, that's him. That's the Doctor."

"Yes, well I need to get back to school, so do you need anything?" The girl asked.

"No, Nyssa, everything is quite alright."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded and smiled at her.

"Okay then, I'll come back after school. Bye, mum" She kissed her on the cheek.

"Bye, Nyssa," she kissed her back and said, "I'll see you later."

The oncologist excused himself do to rounds and Tegan was left alone again.

She looked at the scenery through the window, hoping to see a big blue box somewhere.

"Oh, Doctor, why didn't you tell me?"

Some other time, in a different TARDIS entering another temporal orbit, the newest Doctor wondered the same thing.

----

"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." -M. Luther King 

----

Fin


End file.
